


Listening to the Ending Theme

by Ryuosen



Series: Kakairu fest [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/M, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-08-11 22:23:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7909855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuosen/pseuds/Ryuosen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is it. This is your story. It all ends here…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Listening to the Ending Theme

**Author's Note:**

> **Author Note:** I've never really liked the first ending theme compared to the rest of the soundtrack. However listening to it with the lyrics in mind and knowing how dark the setting of the world the theme was written for actually is, inspired me to write a brief story. The piece is a lot darker than my usual works.  
>  For those sensitive to mentions of suicides and self-harm please be warned and careful.
> 
> Japanese terms:  
> Kyōkatabira - white kimono worn on your final journey in death.
> 
>  **Mod Note:**  
>  Prompt 21: Music Prompt: Attack on Titan 進撃の巨人 ED / Ending - "Utsukushiki Zankoku na Sekai" - Yoko Hikasa ([Music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWUCdTngVjk) | [)](http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/shingeki/uzsekai.htm)

That dream is where my heart belongs,  
and it's something more fragile than my life.  
Again and again, I abandoned and then rediscovered it.  
Now sleep peacefully.  
With my wish being ravished by my pounding heartbeats,  
as soon as I'm on the verge of forgetting it, I immediately recall it.

In this beautiful cruel world,  
we merely keep on asking "why" we're alive and living...  
Ah, with this strength and this weakness,  
if we no longer possess any rationality,  
just what are we protecting?

Isn't that sky depressing?  
The ashes and mirages swirl up in the sky.  
Freeze solid to the warm words,  
now sleep discreetly.  
With my sigh being hid away by my clingy fantasies,  
as soon as it's about to break free, it's pinned down again.

In this beautiful cruel world,  
we merely keep on begging death to wait a little longer...  
Ah, no different from the flightless weathercock,  
we will not understand  
whether truths are prettier than lies.

If only we were songs,  
we would be able to sail at full speed in the wind,  
and bring hope without fail  
to someone out there.

In this beautiful cruel world,  
we merely keep on asking "why" we're alive and living...  
Ah, with this strength and this weakness,  
if we no longer possess any rationality,  
just what are we protecting?

The moon stood at its fullest, full and round it shone brightly in the cloudless sky. Iruka was humming a song his mother had taught him when he had been a child. He remembered how she had told him she had bested Suzaku himself and had been taught the song as her reward. As a child he had believed her, she and his father had been invincible in his eyes.

How quickly that illusion had been destroyed when the Kyuubi had come.

Not that it mattered anymore. They had been gone for years and he had long since learned to live with it. Still he liked the song.

The tube was already starting to fill but not yet full enough for a bath. It would take some more time, the water pressure was not the best and it had taken ages for him to get the back-up power supply running to even have hot water. Besides it was a big tube, big enough for two.

His right eye hurt, but the pain was brief. He had learned to live with. Not like the resulting blindness, that had been harder to live with. He still wasn't totally used to lacking 3D-vision. But he was getting better.

Clouds were starting to gather. What a pity it would be. He had been looking forward to bathing under the moon. He and Kakashi had loved to do that.

The pain in his eye worsened and with a curse he put the clothing he had been straightening down and went to the small chest in the corner where he kept the pain killers. He needed to be careful, his supplies were not endless and getting new ones would be a hassle.

Taking the bottles with the red pills he popped it open and took one. Two would be better, he knew from experience but the bottle was near half-empty. If the bottle was gone, he would have to venture outside.

He shuddered, he didn't want to go outside anymore.

Yet he might have to, though until the time came his eye might have gotten used to the handicap he now had to deal with.

The first verse finished with a low cadence and he knew the song by heart. Pausing, he swallowed the pill and almost immediately felt relief. However it was notably less than at the beginning when he had first taken the pill.

Before continuing with the song's second verse he noted that now would be also the right time to mark the day as over. The kunai inside his belt was as sharp as ever and he had sharpened all of them only yesterday. With the pain killer cursing through his blood he used the sharp blade and expertly nicked his skin, just deep enough to scar but inflicting no long lasting injury.

He had perfected the technique, today was the two hundred and twentieth day. Another scar for his body, another day over.

It was time for the second verse. The blood ran down his hand as he returned to the kimono. A glance as the coals told him that the flat iron should now be hot enough to iron the kyōkatabira. Taking the towel he wiped the blood off, pleased to see that the wound was already closing, the beginning of a thin silver scar already visible at the edges. Perfectly straight next to two hundred and nineteen other scars, it gave his skin an almost pale look.

Pitching his voice a bit higher, nearing the point of no return, he took the flat iron and carefully brought it onto the kimono. To be safe he had actually decided to sacrifice one of the blankets should the iron be too hot.

To his pleasure the flat iron emitted a faint amount of steam which should be enough to get the creases and wrinkles out of the fabric. After ironing the entire thing he hung it up, hoping that the weight of the moist fabric would pull the remaining wrinkles out. It had taken days to find instructions on how to go about it, but Iruka was very much satisfied with it.

The tub was nearly full and Iruka took the small bottle of lavender oil Sakura and Naruto had gifted him on his birthday. A few drops dripped into the water and the air began to fill with sweetness. Inhaling Iruka smiled, he loved the scent of lavender.

 _Naruto would have been seventeen by now,_ Iruka thought.

With all that happened, he had forgotten about it. Guilt filled him and he made a note to apologize before stopping. Right, he couldn't do that anymore. Since his injury his memory wasn't what it used to be. Sadness and all-consuming grief filled him and the pain in his eye returned tenfold.

He should really take the bath now. Carefully he took the recently ironed kimono from the hook and put it on, carefully right over left before fastening the obi. Looking down he noted that the fabric was even paler than Kakashi's skin.

"I'm sorry Naruto, Sakura," he whispered before dipping his toes into the water. The temperature was just about perfect. Sinking in he sighed. Bathing was like a balm for him. Closing his eye he relaxed.

_When two strong arms slid around him, his eye jerked open to meet one grey and one red eye._

"Kakashi!" he gasped, surprised.

_Hadn't Kakashi died? Was he dreaming?_

_"Missed me?" Kakashi whispered, pressing against Iruka._

_"More than words can say," he replied, "I thought I had lost you."_

_Twining their fingers together, Iruka could feel the calluses he was so familiar with. Turning his head he brought their lips together, tongue breaching his beloved's mouth. Their kiss was everything it should be, hot, wet, desperate._

Both of them knew how precious the time they had was. Water sloshed around them as their hands began to wander, mapping out their bodies. New scars graced both their bodies, acquired in the time they had been separated.

_Kakashi gasped when Iruka let his hand wander between his legs, knowing how sensitive the skin was._

_"We don't have much time," Kakashi muttered pressing closer to Iruka's hand and he only nodded. What they would do if they only had more time?_

_Iruka moaned and the water sloshed faster as their bodies moved, movements synchronized like a well-oiled machine._

_Kakashi stiffened and his back arched as Iruka bit his lips to stifle his scream that wanted to escape._

Iruka gapsed and pushed his head above the surface. Panting, his lungs burned with the need for air. Panting, heaving he braced himself against the tub's rim to stay above water. Before collapsing, water splashing over the edge.

"It was a dream," he whispered, voice full of anguish.

 _No, a memory,_ another voice murmured.

Instinctively Iruka's hand flew to his right eye. The patch was gone.

_Of course, it must have loosened in the water._

True enough, the patch that usually covered his right eye was floating a few feet away. He reached for it, lifting it up but stopped before putting it back into place.

 _Why am I doing this?_ he wondered. It wasn't the first time he asked himself that particular question, but this time with the painful memory still in his mind he couldn't reply with the usual answer either.

 _Kakashi died for me, I have to continue for both of us._ He would have said, ending the debate before it even began.

This time was different. This time he had just relived the memory of his last intimate moment with Kakashi with perfect clarity. He could recall how his skin had tasted, the sound of his moans and grunts. It was maddening.

What good would it do keep going on? Looking up he watched as the moon vanished behind the clouds, its red light fading.

None of his precious people was alive anymore. Naruto long gone with the Aatsuki ripping out the Kyuubi. Sakura killed by her grief over the loss of Naruto and Kakashi… Kakashi who had saved his life during the war and died for it.

He remembered how he had promised to keep going on, " _I'll live, I promise!_ "

His eye had been bleeding, the surgery saving him only finished moments ago.

A promise written in blood.

A promise he no longer wanted to keep. His breath was hitching and he knew that he was close to breaking down. His foundation was slipping but he was so sick of it. Every day he ironed the kyōkatabira, every day he put it on and every day he hung it back up, he was so sick of it because Madara wasn't coming for him.

When was the last time he had spoken with someone?

 _Madara,_ his mind whispered. Madara had been the last person to exchange words with him, spoken in that mocking voice, commenting on his foolishness.

_You should have just joined the rest, you would be happy. He would be alive!_

Looking at the destroyed building he lived in, the destroyed Konoha surrounding him like corpses of the dead. Would have it been better in Madara's no Obito's world?

His scars twinged, reminding him of being alive, grounding him in reality. A reality he didn't want any longer. He knew the Akatsuki no longer existed in the form they had before Obito enacted his plan.

It was over…

Iruka made his decision.

Breathing in deeply, he centred himself. Then he sank under the surface both eyes open. Suiton had always been his specialty, it was time to put it to good use. Letting his fingers barely breach the surface his chakra expanded and seeped into the water. He knew without looking what would happen but Iruka was no longer afraid.

Humming the last verse of his mother's song, he felt the world start to fade. His body wanted to breathe but couldn't the water's density being so great that no movement was possible anymore.

The red eye with the spinning tomoe slowed and faded to black before Iruka closed his eyes.

His song was over.

_fin_

 


End file.
